


What Does Love Feel Like?

by Strawberry_Milkshake



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Falling In Love, Fluff, Love, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 03:59:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15810882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strawberry_Milkshake/pseuds/Strawberry_Milkshake
Summary: Alex Standall figures out what love is and how those feelings are for him.





	What Does Love Feel Like?

Alex Standall has never known love. His whole life, he's just been dragging through life, rarely even having real friends. This year was different though. After everything that happened he was brought to some of the most amazing and messed up people he's ever met. He thought that this year he would finally have love. Love that stayed and lasted. 

Jessica Davis. The only person he's ever dated. He knew that when they dated in the past it wasn't the right time. So, he thought maybe now would be a good time for them to finally be together. They'd gone on a few dates, nothing super official but they were all nice. He definitely liked Jessica there was no denying that they had been friends for so long but so far he just didn't feel much. He wasn't just talking about his lack of sexual feelings since his suicide attempt. Besides, the weird locker room situation that he couldn't even begin to understand at the moment. He didn't really feel much romantically either, or at least he thinks he didn't. It was all so very confusing because he really really cares about Jessica but somehow he just doesn't feel right when they kiss or do romantic stuff. 

Alex sighed dramatically and dropped his head on his desk into his hands. He was currently trying to study for a test but it seemed impossible with all his fast moving thoughts. He decided on giving up and calling one of the few people he trusted right now to give him advice. 

"What's up?" Zach asked as he picked up the phone, wondering why Alex was calling. 

"Can you come over? I just need some advice or whatever and I really don't feel like rambling over the phone." Alex explained, already feeling dumb for bringing it up. 

"Of course." Zach replied as he grabbed his keys and started walking to his car. "Is everything okay?" 

"Yeah, Yeah, I just I don't know it's probably stupid." Alex stuffed his face into his hand, sighing slightly. 

"Hey man, I'm sure it's not I'll be over in a few." Zach said reassuringly before hanging up the phone.

Alex set his phone in his desk and walked over to his bed, lying down in it while he waited. He was glad his parents weren't home so he wouldn't have to explain why someone was randomly coming over. Not that it mattered, he just really didn't feel like dealing with anyone right now. It already took a lot to convince them that Alex would be okay on his own for a few hours. He didn't know what to do while he waited so he simply twiddled his thumbs till he heard a knock on the door. He felt excited for some reason which is weird because Zach comes over all the time. He shrugged it off and grabbed his cane, slowly but surely making his way to the door. When he got to the door he opened it.

"Hey, so what's up?" Zach asked as soon as he saw Alex. He walked in and closed the front door behind him, immediately giving Alex assistance in walking back to his room.

"I can handle walking to my room." Alex almost laughed at how quickly Zach stepped in but was also a little frustrated that Zach didn't think he could walk such a short distance on his own. 

Zach backed off a little while still making sure Alex was okay. When they got to Alex's room they both just sat on his bed. "So, what did you need?" Zach asked, wanting to help his friend. 

Alex closed his eyes, feeling kind of dumb for making such a big deal out of it. "I don't love Jessica." Was all he said at first. 

Zach looked at him confused. "Well, that's okay. I'm sure there's another girl out there for you." He reassured, a strange painful feeling swirling inside of him for some reason that he tried to ignore. 

Alex shook his head at that. "I don't know what love feels like Zach." He took a moment to collect his thoughts. "You loved Hannah, didn't you? What did that feel like?" He decided to ask. 

Zach took a moment to process what Alex was asking him. He honestly didn't know exactly what it was with him and Hannah. "Well, I'm not sure if what I had with Hannah was love or not, it was just fun. I guess." He sighed before continuing. "How do you feel when you're with Jessica?" As soon as he asked that he didn't want to know. 

"I love Jessica." Alex replied, thinking about all of his feelings even though he hated doing that. "I love hanging out with her and laughing and talking like friends do. But everytime we kiss or do romantic stuff I just feel... off." 

"Off how?" Zach questioned, a little curious what Alex meant but also trying to help him.

"Like I don't know I just feel wrong." Alex closed his eyes for a moment before opening them. "What do you think love feels like? Even if you've never experienced it." 

Zach honestly wasn't sure about that but he tried to imagine. "I think love feels like the scariest thing in the world. I think it's so terrifying because suddenly there's this person that means everything to you. That makes you feel valued and incredible. It's amazing and intoxicating at the same time. Do you know what I mean?" He turned to look at Alex. Suddenly thinking about how much the two had been through and scaring himself with possiblity. Could he love Alex? He tried to toss those thoughts aside.

Alex thought about that, trying to understand. "Do you think I could be gay?" 

"What?" 

"I mean it would make sense, I've never loved a girl before even though Jess is incredible." Alex explained his random remark.

"Well, have you ever liked a guy? As more than a friend?" Zach asked, suddenly very confused and feeling a lot of things. 

Alex processed that question for a little bit. Had he? I mean when he thought about it his only 3 guy friends had ever been Clay, Justin, and Zach. No way in hell did he like Justin or Clay that way. Not because they were bad people but because he could never see himself with them. Zach though, did he like him? I mean they were pretty close after PT and everything with Hannah. And he did get a boner for him and jerk off to his name. It would explain a lot. Then when he thinks about how much Zach cares for him everyday. He didn't even hesitate to come over when Alex asked for advice. 

Shit. Alex Standall has been in love. He's been in love with Zach Dempsey of all people. 

"Yes." Alex finally replied to Zach's question in one word. 

"Who?" Zach asked, immediately feeling a little bit of jealousy which he tried to ignore. 

Alex rolled his eyes a little bit feeling so stupid for not realizing this before. He wasn't sure whether to tell Zach that it was him who he liked or what to do. He decided on probably the dumbest option he had and grabbed Zach by the face and kissed him. Alex expected Zach to pull away but surprisingly he just pulled him in closer. Alex finally knew what a kiss was supposed to feel like. It was supposed to feel like this. Absolute bliss knowing the one you love accepts your love and returns it. Everything made sense in that moment and he only hoped that Zach wouldn't regret it when they pulled apart. 

Finally they released the kiss, neither one them knowing what to say. Finally, Zach said "Love feels like this." They both smiled at that, feeling happier and happier with each second they realized more what was happening. 

"Can I please call you my boyfriend and show you off to the whole fucking school because I'm so proud of being in love with the most beautiful person in the world?" Zach asked in this moment of confidence to be dramatic and in love. 

Alex laughed a little at that. "Going quite fast there Dempsey." He joked. "But yes, you can." He smiled, feeling so genuinely happy. "Can I kiss you again?"

"Every day." Zach answered, bringing their lips together. 

Alex Standall did know love. He was just looking in all the wrong places.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this kinda sucks, we're running out of Zalex content with this long Netflix hiatus


End file.
